A newly married couple holding hands and running together under a rain of confetti thrown by their wedding party
Wedding 101

8 Tips for the Best Non-Traditional Wedding Parties

Collect, manage, and organize your wedding guest information for each event and track their preferences.
Sometimes the traditional bridesmaids and groomsmen structure doesn’t feel appropriate for a couple’s wedding. Going against the grain may seem scary or stressful, but don’t fret. It’s a chance for the fiancés to make the concept of wedding parties uniquely theirs. 
Opting out of the customary wedding parties and the events that go along with them can save money, time, and the unwanted stress of planning everything. And sometimes sticking to tradition simply doesn’t make sense. Our family and friends don’t always fit into the neat groups that bridesmaids and groomsmen typically denote. There are a variety of genders, cultures, and personalities to account for, and they all can be incorporated into the wedding. Here’s how.

1.
Keep the wardrobe flexible.

When you’re choosing a non-traditional wedding party, you’re choosing personal connection over ticking all the traditional boxes no matter what. So, your friends' and family’s comfort is key.
Start by asking the members of your party how they feel about their wedding day look and how they want their hair and makeup done, if at all. Placing the decision with each individual will make everyone feel comfortable and takes the pressure off the to-be-weds having to make every decision.
A variety of clothing styles in one wedding party doesn’t have to look like a mess either! Mix-and-match party fashion has been a wedding trend for a couple of years, so there are plenty of inspiration photos and guides out there to help.

2.
Make comfort the priority.

Beyond wardrobe choices, make sure to check in on how your party is feeling throughout the process. Check-in frequently and ask what’ll make them feel comfortable and safe concerning their gender, religion, or sexual orientation. This may be your day, but it's their lives so do what you can to be respectful of everyone's identities!
This is a chance for you to inform vendors and guests of everyone’s proper name and pronouns. It’s a common courtesy and will make your party feel more welcome and a part of the group.

3.
Skip separate parties.

Maybe it’s not so much the wedding parties that are the issue but all the events. Between engagement parties, bridal showers, the bachelorette and bachelor parties, and rehearsal dinners it can all add up quickly. If that list is feeling overwhelming, there are several other options if you still want to have fun before the big day.
Instead of dividing everyone based on their association with one half of the couple, let everyone mingle. This is great if you have a close-knit group of friends or if you’re planning on keeping the parties small. Throwing just one event or dinner before the wedding is a great low-stress option. It can still function as an exciting lead-up to the wedding, like the traditional events, and an opportunity to enjoy the company of your chosen party.

4.
Get creative with the events.

If a night out or upscale restaurant dinner doesn’t suit the crowd, don’t be afraid to get creative and personalize your own type of pre-wedding get-together. Maybe your crew is more of a wine-tasting crowd? A creative crew can work together to set up a scavenger hunt for the couple and watch them fumble around trying to solve the riddles. Don’t be afraid to buck formalities altogether and put on a casual hangout that’s all about fun and conversation. Or how about a potluck?

5.
Incorporate cultural or religious events instead

Consider replacing the typical western events with ones that reflect the couple’s heritage to bring a more intimate focus to the two cultures coming together. Cultural or religious ceremonies before the wedding can feel extremely personal and are a wonderful environment for the two families to meet and learn more about each other.
Set aside time to discuss the details of the events with family members and guests so they understand what’s taking place and know what’s expected of them. Executing a variety of events can be overwhelming, so don’t be afraid to host them on different days instead of cramming them all into the wedding ceremony.

6.
Embrace lopsided wedding parties...or none at all!

When it comes to the actual day of the wedding, you still have so many options for how to incorporate your wedding party beyond the usual procession and speeches. 
Even wedding parties are fine, but maybe a perfectly symmetrical duo of parties for each member of the couple isn’t really something you can achieve without forcing it. It may seem weird at first, but you shouldn’t shy away from having uneven wedding parties. Focus on inviting only the people you’re closest to instead of creating the "perfect" wedding look.
If you’re ready to go for an uneven wedding party, consider skipping the procession. Instead, your parties can have a designated section in the audience. This is an especially great option if you have a large number of people where having everyone stand would be distracting.
If you’d rather not have people involved in any type of wedding party, getting your kids or pets involved with the procession is always an option.

7.
Get everyone involved.

Even without a formal wedding party, there are still so many ways to get guests involved. Before the ceremony, you can choose a couple of people to get ready with, and loved ones can help make decorations, cater, or even play host to a backyard ceremony. After "I do," you can invite the family musician to play a song at the reception or have a couple people read a poem or scripture instead of the customary speeches.

8.
Have community vows.

For a tight-knit group, community vows can give the ceremony a truly personal touch. Amy Shackelford, the founder, and CEO of Modern Rebel & Co. explained to Insider that community vows are a time for friends and family to read their own vows. The vows can focus on themes like loyalty, honesty, and support. These readings are meant to show how the couple’s shared community will support their marriage with a resounding, “We do,” after each speech. 
Even if you’re not having a wedding party don’t be afraid to ask friends and family for support before and during the wedding. The journey to being married should focus on the love between the fiancés and their community. Don’t let formalities and structure get you down. Create your own version of wedding parties that’ll make you happiest.
Jasmine Harris
About The Author
Hartford-based writer.
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