7 Things You Can Learn From These Real Couples' Big Day Regrets

Planning your big day is such an exciting process (hooray—you're getting married!), but it can also be quite stressful. You're inundated with your friends' suggestions, your vendors' recommendations, and your own ideas. It's easy to get overwhelmed. Some couples end up making hasty decisions just to make a decision or they end up losing track of what they really want to do. Then when the wedding day arrives, they realize they've made a mistake and ultimately end up regretting things. Here’s your chance to get real tips from couples and wedding professionals who know what wedding regrets they’d avoid. From vendors overlooked to cutting costs to rushing through the details, you can learn a lot from those who’ve been there. Photo by Artem Bali  1. The Regret: Cutting the guest list. While you don’t want an out of control headcount, think twice before you cross too many names off the invite list. When Melissa and Chris Bajda got married five years ago, they wanted to save money so they trimmed their guest list, leaving out some people that Chris now feels should have been invited. "Now every time I see those people, I feel awkward and the friendship we have is not the same," he says. "Most of your guests end up giving a gift that pays for themselves, so if you have people on the border of making the invite list, you are better off inviting them."

The Lesson: Before cutting names off the guest list, reconsider who the potential guests are and how it will feel if they’re not invited to share in your wedding day. If you're really torn about whether they should make the cut, it's better to include them. That way you won't have to worry about whether you made a mistake by leaving them off the list.

2. The Regret: Focusing on the party too much. The wedding day isn’t just about fancy clothes, gifts, and gourmet meals. It’s about your relationship with your partner. "I have found one of the biggest regrets couples have is they did not spend as much time thinking about their wedding ceremony as much as they did about the party," says Tracy Brisson, a wedding officiant at Savannah Custom Weddings & Elopements, who marries about 10 couples every month.

The Lesson: Go ahead and plan a killer party (it is important), but spend some serious time focusing on the ceremony as well. Brisson recommends maximizing the impact of the day by working special touches into the ceremony such as personalizing your wedding vows and including family or friends in traditions, like readings or sand ceremonies. Remember: a wedding is about celebrating your on-going love and the people who make your lives special, not just hosting a one-time party.

3. The Regret: Not hiring a videographer. For most couples, still photography is a wedding must while videography is often viewed as an option if you have the extra money. But after the wedding is when couples start feeling the pangs of regret that they didn't hire a videographer. Celebrity wedding and event planner Danielle Rothweiler cautions couples not to cut video from their budget. "While pictures are important, you can’t ever hear your vows again or see that first dance," she says. "There are moments that you will want to relive but won’t be able to without the video."

The Lesson: Hire a videographer to shoot the wedding at least for a few hours. Even if you’re not sure you'll ever want to watch the video, it's good to have it. "Your kids may want to see it one day, or a relative that wasn’t there, or you might just want to watch it together on your anniversary," Rothweiler says. "But I guarantee that you will want to watch it, and without video, you won’t even have that option." The whole day goes so quickly, a recording of some of those special moments will help you remember how the day played out.

4. The Regret: Not having enough planning time. When Abbey Finch married Matt five years ago, she rushed the planning. "I was in such a hurry to get married, I planned my wedding in six months," she says, noting the wedding was "beautiful and lovely" but not without a few things she'd change if she had given herself more time. For example, while Finch wanted a Saturday evening wedding, the venue she wanted was only available during the daytime on her desired Saturday date. "I think day weddings are lovely, but people are more reserved during the day," Finch says, concluding that if she had a night wedding, "I think the reception would have been more lively."

The Lesson: Take enough time to do all the planning you want. Looking back, Finch acknowledges she would have been better off holding out for the evening availability at her wedding venue. "It would have given me more time to plan and I could have made sure my wedding was perfect, instead of making compromises," she says. Before you dive into the specifics of planning, make sure you know what you really want and what is most important to you. That way, even if you have to make some sacrifices, you'll know what you absolutely can't do without.

5. The Regret: Not being specific with vendors. Wedding vendors, from florists to caterers to photographers, are pros at their jobs. But while they know a lot about creating epic events, it's up to you to tell them what YOU want for YOUR wedding. Beth Waterfall-McSweeney, who married Jesse in September 2009 in Massachusetts, regrets not giving her photographers "a good list of specific photos that we wanted him to take." While she says the photographer "did an amazing job with candids and group photos," the bride doesn't have one professional photo with just her and her sister and would have liked more photos of her and her groom at specific places around their spread-out venue.

The Lesson: Be clear with your vendors about your wants, needs, and expectations. Waterfall-McSweeney urges couples to get detailed, especially with photography. "My advice to brides and grooms is to sit down together and really think about the photos that you want from the day," she says. It's best to go into any vendor meetings with a clear idea of what you want, so take the time to think things through.

6. The Regret: Not being involved with the planning enough. Often one person in the relationship will actively plan the wedding while the other only gets involved every once in a while. Chris Bajda of Groovy Groomsmen Gifts wishes he'd been more involved in the planning. "I let my fiancé and her mom do most of the planning, but it turns out as I have gotten to know more and more about weddings there are a lot of amazing unique wedding venues that we could have had our wedding at and so many creative things we could have done with our wedding that we didn’t end up doing."

The Lesson: Both partners can and should be involved in planning the ceremony and reception. Even if you don't think you care about the flavor of your cake or the band you hire, once you start researching your options, you may see things differently. Give yourself a chance to care instead of just assuming you won't have an opinion.

7. The Regret: Not rehearsing the ceremony. "We didn't spend enough time going over our vows with the officiant before the ceremony," says Rachel Sentes, who married her groom Brian two years ago in Vancouver. "He clearly was reading them for the first time at our wedding. I had to stop him and remind him that we were both exchanging rings!" If that wasn’t bad enough, the officiant went off script and did an improvised talk that the couple didn't appreciate. "Our wedding wasn’t huge and the ceremony was only about 10 minutes but he managed to wreck it completely," says Sentes.

The Lesson: Take your time to get things right. Even if you don’t have a formal rehearsal, make sure your officiant and other on-site vendors, like coordinators and organists, know your expectations. Most vendors would be relieved to have clarifications or corrections before the ceremony rather than run the chance of ruining your celebration.

-- By Kristen Castillo