General Advice

The Pros and Cons of Keeping Your Last Name

by Loverly Team 17 Sep 2024 •5 min read

In today’s world, deciding whether or not to change your last name after marriage is more than just a question of tradition. It’s a deeply personal decision that ties into your sense of identity, legacy, and connection with your partner. Whether you’re choosing to keep, change, or combine names, each path has its own unique considerations.

Here, we break down some of the potential pros and cons to help you make a choice that feels right for you.

Pros of Keeping Your Last Name

01. Consistency in Your Professional Identity

In the digital age, our careers and online presence often carry as much weight as our personal relationships. A name change can make it harder to maintain the professional brand you've built. If you’re established in your career and have built a reputation under your current name, keeping it may feel more seamless.

02. Honoring Family Legacy and Heritage

If your last name is tied to family history or a meaningful legacy, keeping it can be a way to preserve that. For some, it’s a chance to carry forward a name with special significance, especially in families where the name might end without it.

03. Avoiding Gendered Expectations

Historically, changing one’s last name in marriage has roots in patriarchal tradition, but that perspective doesn’t align with many modern values. For LGBTQ+ and non-traditional couples, one partner taking the other’s name might not feel authentic. If keeping separate names feels right for you, it’s perfectly valid.

04. Exercising Personal Autonomy

For some, their name is a deeply personal part of their identity, symbolizing years of individual experiences and self-discovery. Regardless of tradition, it’s okay to prioritize your personal choice—whether that means keeping, hyphenating, or altering your last name.

05. Avoiding Practical Hassles

Changing your name can be a time-consuming, costly process. From official documents like passports to smaller details like social media handles, name changes require time and patience. Keeping your name means you won’t need to worry about juggling two identities or updating endless documents.

Cons of Keeping Your Last Name

01. Facing Social Assumptions

Despite changing norms, some people may still assume you’ll take your partner’s last name, and it might require explaining your choice. For straight couples especially, others may assume you share the same last name, which can occasionally lead to awkward moments or misunderstandings.

02. The Symbolism of a Shared Family Name

For some, marriage is about creating a new family unit, and sharing a name is part of that. If a shared name represents unity or connection with your partner’s family, changing your name may be meaningful. It can offer a sense of new beginnings and belonging, particularly if your partner’s family feels like a source of support.

03. Deciding on Children’s Last Names

If you plan on having children, the question of whose last name they’ll carry is another consideration. Hyphenation is a common solution, but it’s not always simple to navigate. Talking through these choices with your partner can help avoid future disagreements and ensure you’re both on the same page.

04. Missing the Reception Announcement

This one’s lighthearted, but for some, there’s a special moment in being introduced to family and friends with a shared last name at the reception. It’s a celebratory way to mark the start of your new journey together. If you’ve dreamed of that announcement moment, it might be something to factor in.

05. Building a Bond Through a Shared Name

For many, sharing a last name with their partner is a symbolic gesture that deepens their connection. It’s about sharing a tangible bond and creating a unified identity together. If this idea resonates, changing your last name may feel like a positive step toward building that partnership.

Making the Choice That Feels Right for You

Ultimately, there’s no right or wrong answer in the name change debate—only what feels right for you. Whether you choose to keep, change, or combine your name, remember that it’s a decision for you to make. Make sure your choice reflects what’s meaningful to you, not what you feel you “have” to do.

Thinking about changing your name? Our team recommends NÉE for an easy, stress-free process.Shop NÉE

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