How to Handle Awkward Wedding Guest Situations

The Emily Post Institute is the foremost authority on all things etiquette, and when we get a chance to have our questions answered by one of the Posts, we don't hold back. We tapped Lizzie Post, great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post, for her advice on how to handle awkward wedding guest situations. Read on to find out how to tell a friend they're not invited, and what to do with an off-registry gift. How do you suggest a bride or groom tactfully dodge a friend's question about how much something cost? Lizzie Post: I think that humor always works. If someone asked me, "Oh my god, how much did you spend on the flowers?" I would probably say something like, "Well, you can see I still have my arms and my legs!" It's really nobody's business what you spent on the wedding, and it's important that you feel comfortable shooting down those questions when you get them. If you don't know how to do it with a little bit of humor, then being direct is the easiest way to go. Just say, "You know, I'm not really comfortable sharing that but I could give you the name of the florist we used." What do you do if you receive a wedding gift that was off-registry that just doesn't work for you, or doesn't fit your decor? How do you return it, and what do you do if your friend finds out? First of all, you don't have to keep any of your wedding gifts. You can absolutely return them. Really consider what it is that your friend has given you, though. Has she given you a painting that she made herself? That's a little bit different -- and obviously harder to return  -- than a vase that doesn't work for you. If it is something like a vase or candlesticks that just isn't your style, then by all means return the item, get something that you want. You don't need to mention it in your thank you note. Over the years, things break, you get rid of things, your style changes, so I tell gift-givers not to take it too personally if your gift gets returned or exchanged. Say you want to have a small, intimate wedding, and you have people in your broader friend group who assume they'll be invited. How do you politely inform them that they're not? They might assume that they're invited, but when they don't get an invitation it's going to be pretty clear. [However, if a friend asks something like] "What should I wear?" that's when I would say, "Kelly, I feel terrible having to say this directly, but unfortunately we were only able to accommodate so many people on our guest list, and I wasn't able to extend you an invitation to the wedding." If someone's being that forward about it, frankly I think you have to be able to be honest with them and say, "It is really small and we had to be really, really conservative with our guest list."