Ideas

Reality vs. Expectation: Your First Kiss Doesn't Need To Be Perfect!

by Loverly Team 06 Jul 2020 •4 min read

While in quarantine, we have consumed our fair share of romantic comedies. Recent releases like Netflix’s Summertime have been really getting us through the long days of self-isolation, but some episodes continue to uphold a certain societal expectation that we have some questions about... the perfect first kiss. For the most part, TV is changing, especially on streaming platforms. Hulu’s Normal People based on Sally Rooney’s best-selling novel debunks unrealistic expectations of your first time, and Netflix’s Love, Victor broadens the conversation to include more diverse LGBTQIA+ stories. Regardless of which show you decide to binge-watch (and we heartily recommend all of the above), remember that Hollywood tends to gloss over the realities of the awkwardness of your first kiss. Whether it's your first kiss ever, your first kiss with your newest maybe-the-one, or your first kiss as a married couple things may get a little messy. So, in honor of #InternationalKissDay2020, we are debunking first kiss myths and dismantling common stigmas about this special moment.

1Basically, Don’t Listen To The Hollywood BS

Photo by Wallace Araujo from Pexels

In Kyle Condosta’s article for Odyssey, she writes “I always hoped that my first kiss would be like something out of a movie. And boy did the movies have it wrong.” She goes on to lay out a timeline romantic movies tend to follow which includes a bookworm falling in love, being noticed by a great guy, dating for a nanosecond before kissing, and don’t forget: falling deeply and irrevocably in love. The reality is that this plot does not account for the awkward head bumps and “oops I missed” moments of your average first kiss. Instead, “Romantic movies like to glance over the initial awkwardness and jump into the romance,” explains Condosta. That’s what makes this genre so popular, but it is also what makes it somewhat toxic. Rom-coms have also been notoriously heteronormative casting white, straight, and cisgender actors as the protagonists in the love story. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, a first kiss is just as sexy and awkward, but this milestone also holds so much more meaning. A first queer kiss can reveal an exciting new world for the person, but also fear if you are not out yet and are concerned about how people will react. Twelve people share their first queer kiss with Teen Vogue. Things to normalize in 2020: awkward first straight and queer kisses.

2Embrace The Awkward And Messy

Planning your first time to the tee, or betting on serendipity may not work out (unless your life is a movie). But that’s okay! Twenty women share their first kiss story with Seventeen magazine; we recommend reading through these truths and manifesting the awkwardness because we heard that makes a good kiss story. Here's a quick teaser from this hilariously relatable listicle from 20-year-old Monay: "I was 16. I prepped by watching YouTube videos so I'd know what to do when it finally happened. My current boyfriend and I were standing under a streetlight, and after I hugged him goodbye, I leaned in and gave him the sloppiest open-mouth kiss. He pulled my head away and said, 'What are you doing? It's like this!' Moral of the story: Stay away from YouTube. I was mortified."

3If You Haven’t Had Your First Kiss By Age Thirteen, You Will Be Alone Forever

Newlyweds holding each other in middle of NYC street.

via Loverly Real Weddings

This is partially Hollywood’s fault yet again (for hiring actors who are older than the age they are playing), and partially society’s fault. Through middle and high school and into college, students feel the pressure to have their first kiss and once they meet a certain age they start to think there is something wrong with them and they are missing out (a particularly toxic form of FOMO). The reality is, there is no rush. Feeling self-conscious is perfectly normal and you may be surprised to learn other individuals feel the same way — even if they come off sexually confident. Movies like Never Have Been Kissed (again: do not listen to Hollywood) perpetuates the idea being a loser in high school and not having your first kiss until you are an adult are connected and the latter is plain weird. But a kiss at a certain age doesn’t measure your abilities in the romance department or your maturity. Clinical psychologist and professor at Northwestern University Alexandra Solomon tells TeenVogue that your kiss-free status is “simply a statement of fact, not a statement of worth.” Adulthood is filled with so many firsts (many a lot more important than your first kiss), so take your time and wait for the person you actually want to have your first kiss with.

4But When It Does Happen... It Will Feel Good (If Consent Has Been Given)

Kissing, when done right (not movies style, but human style), will feel good. A Bustle article lists seven bodily responses to kissing included lowering stress levels, improving your cholesterol, and releasing adrenaline. Notice how some of these biological responses — like the release of saliva in slobbery kisses help you find potential mates — are mentioned in films? There are so many types of kisses out there that you may have never heard of, but don’t count on a trip to the movie theater to teach you the biological and realistic truths about kissing.

5So Like... How Do I Get Over These Unhealthy Expectations?

via Loverly Real Weddings

Embrace first kiss realities which will include making out with your eyes wide open, bad breath, and awkward stumbles. Obviously, it’s harder to carry out this advice than just write it out. But here is some food for thought: if you peak with your first kiss, then the rest of your love life will be dull. Happy International Kiss Day. Go eat some chocolate and swipe right when it feels right.

More like this

Plan your wedding like a pro.

Join our newsletter: