How to Make Sure Your Mother-In-Law Feels Included in the Wedding Planning Process

Feeling like your future mother-in-law might be getting left out of the wedding planning process? You’re definitely not alone. It’s easy to get caught up in Pinterest boards, venue visits, and group chats with your own mom or bridal party—but don’t forget that your partner’s mom is likely just as excited about the big day as everyone else.

The truth is, many couples struggle with how to strike the right balance: you want to maintain creative control and keep stress levels low, but you also want to be thoughtful and inclusive. So how do you include your mother-in-law in a way that’s genuine, helpful, and drama-free?

We asked Sara Fried, award-winning wedding planner and founder of Fête Nashville, to share her top tips for making your MIL feel special, seen, and sincerely part of the journey.

Yes, this one might feel a little intimidating, but it can actually be a beautiful bonding moment. If you’re open to it, consider inviting your mother-in-law to join one of your wedding dress shopping appointments.

That doesn’t mean she has to be at every fitting or the emotional first try-on session—but including her at some point in the journey, like your final fitting or an appointment in her hometown, is a thoughtful gesture. She’ll feel honored to be asked and will remember that moment for years to come.

Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom’s family—so this is a perfect opportunity to give your MIL a starring role. Let her choose the restaurant, suggest the theme, or coordinate with vendors to design an event that feels uniquely hers.

To help things go smoothly, you can share a few of your own wedding vendors (like your florist, stationer, or catering team) if she wants to keep things cohesive. If there will be a slideshow or speech involved, ask if she’d like help gathering family photos or stories. It shows you trust her and want her involved, without micromanaging the process.

After your own mother finds her look for the wedding, it’s customary to give the mother of the groom some direction—whether it’s color coordination, formality level, or general dress code vibes. But instead of just sending her an email or group text, why not go the extra mile?

Offer to help her shop or even book a few appointments together. Large department stores like Nordstrom, Macy’s, and Saks often have great formalwear options and complimentary stylists. If you can’t shop together in person, you can still swap links online and make it a fun shared experience. Let her know you’re excited for her to feel beautiful and confident on the big day, too.

One of the easiest ways to make your mother-in-law feel involved is by assigning her a meaningful task—something that suits her personality and strengths. If she’s super organized, she might love coordinating transportation for out-of-town guests. If she’s crafty, maybe she’d enjoy helping with signage or welcome bag assembly.

Sara Fried suggests putting her in charge of the hotel hospitality suite, if you’re planning one. “She and a few friends can help keep the space stocked with fresh snacks, coffee, and flowers,” she says. “It’s a low-stress role that gives her a chance to mingle and make your guests feel welcomed.” Whatever it is, the key is to keep it manageable—something helpful, but not overwhelming.

Here’s a heartwarming idea: take some time to sit down with your MIL and ask her about her own wedding. What did she love about the experience? Is there a family tradition you could carry on? What would she do differently today?

Not only is this a great way to bond and gather ideas, but it also shows her that you value her perspective and that you’re genuinely interested in her story. You might even find yourself inspired by a detail or ritual from her big day.

If you’re worried about the wedding weekend feeling chaotic, a little pre-planning can go a long way. A few days before the celebrations kick off, send your mother-in-law a heads-up about the itinerary, who she’ll meet, and what to expect.

Mention key people she might want to connect with, like your college roommates, extended family members, or bridal party. The more comfortable and prepared she feels going into the weekend, the more confident and connected she’ll be throughout the festivities.

It’s totally okay to set limits on how involved your mother-in-law gets—especially when it comes to decisions that are deeply personal to you and your partner. But how you communicate those boundaries makes all the difference.

Instead of saying “I don’t want your help with this,” try something like:

This way, she still feels needed and appreciated, without stepping into territory that feels overwhelming or too personal.

Whether it’s during a toast, a thank-you speech, or even just a heartfelt note, make sure to acknowledge your mother-in-law for her support and love. You don’t have to go over the top—a short line like, “Thank you for raising the love of my life,” can be incredibly meaningful.

If public displays of affection aren’t her thing, consider writing her a thoughtful letter before the wedding weekend begins. Let her know how much you appreciate her role in your lives and how excited you are to officially become family.

If you’re hosting a bridal shower, engagement party, or planning a weekend, invite your MIL to join—even if she’s not helping plan it. You don’t need to involve her in everything, but giving her a seat at the table at one or two of these pre-wedding moments helps her feel like a real part of the celebration.

She’ll also have the chance to get to know your friends and family better, making the entire wedding weekend feel more connected and personal.

Including your mother-in-law in the wedding planning process isn’t just about being polite—it’s about honoring the new family you’re creating and setting the stage for a positive, long-term relationship. With a few thoughtful gestures, clear communication, and a little creativity, you can make her feel like an important and valued part of your big day.

At the end of the day, weddings are about connection—and that includes the one you’re building with your new family.