Should You Write Your Own Wedding Vows?
06 Jan 2022 •4 min read
Should you write your own personalized vows? Or stick to the tried and true traditional ones? For many couples, it's not an easy question to answer... While there are a number of variations, the most commonly known traditional vow is: “I, ______, take thee, ______, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” The officiant reads one line at a time, and the soon-to-be-weds repeat said line in order to affirm their commitment to one another. If you choose to recite traditional vows, your officiant can help you select the set that is most appropriate and meaningful to both you and your partner.
Meanwhile, some couples opt to write their own vows in order to personalize their ceremony further. Writing personalized vows is a way to proclaim your love for one another in your own words. There are no rules when it comes to vow writing. If you cannot decide whether or not to write your own, consider doing both! You can pick and choose to write some aspects, while still pulling some points from traditional options.
Thinking of adding your own personal touch? Here are some quick and easy tips:
Let your officiant lend a hand.
Some religions still require both parties to recite a portion of traditional vows. Speak with your officiant to work out any necessary details so the ceremony goes seamlessly.
Get inspired by other couples' vows.
Think back to wedding you've been to and listen closely at the ones you're attending this season. And if you haven't been to many weddings, search online for videos and transcripts. A little inspiration can go a long way!
Take notes about your relationship.
Write down bullet points about your fiancé, the first time you met, when you knew you were in love, and exactly why you are getting married. These notes will help you form complete thoughts as well as large points you want to highlight in your vows.
Come up with promises.
Vows are essentially the forever promises you are committing to by saying "I do." You can combine broad promises along with more specific ones. Broad promises consist of things like, “I promise to always support your dreams,” whereas a specific promise is more personal such as, “I promise to always kiss you goodnight.” Mix it up but ensure all your promises are true to you and your partner’s relationship.
Write it all out.
Writing a rough draft that you edit numerous times will usually produce the best results. Some couples wait until the day of and scrawl their vows out while they are getting ready. But writing beforehand can ensure cohesive thoughts, allow you to edit the areas that are not perfect and to practice. One aspect couples often overlook is the presentation of their vows. You should write your final copy on a neat piece of paper or some type of stationary that matches your wedding theme. In photos of the vow exchange you will see whatever the vows are written on so having a crumpled piece of paper will appear disheveled.
Keep your vows to one or two minutes.
If your vows are longer than two minutes, consider editing them down. Focus on the major promised you want to make in front of your nearest and dearest. You can also write your S.O. a sweet note to read the morning of the wedding, or give a toast during the reception.
Practicing your vows out loud will allow you to catch run on sentences and tongue twisters. If you hear any, rewrite them. The tone you speak with should be heartfelt but conversational. It should not sound as if you are giving a speech. And you'll be more comfortable speaking towards your significant other and all your guests the day of if you practiced beforehand. Choosing to write your own vows is part of the day you will remember forever. It is a significant task to write your vows and recite them with family and friends intently watching. Some people become overwhelmed with emotion and are unable to share their vows. Have a back up plan in case this happens. Perhaps, the officiant can even read the vows for you if you can't. Be calm and remember that everyone in attendance is there to support you and your new beginning!