Wedding 101
How to Deal with a Bridesmaid Who's Bringing You Down
21 Sep 2018 •2 min read
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While it's probably true that no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are (except maybe your mom), it can be a total bummer when one of your attendants seems to be so not into your nuptials.
Photo by Gades Photography on Unsplash
Maybe she's been MIA, or perhaps she's been downright sassy about certain pre-wedding tasks, like picking out her bridesmaids dress or helping out with the shower. Whatever's going on, don't let the situation fester, for your sake and the friendship's. Instead, try these tactics for getting your pal or family member back on board.
Photo by Gades Photography on Unsplash
Maybe she's been MIA, or perhaps she's been downright sassy about certain pre-wedding tasks, like picking out her bridesmaids dress or helping out with the shower. Whatever's going on, don't let the situation fester, for your sake and the friendship's. Instead, try these tactics for getting your pal or family member back on board.1Check your expectations.
It’s always a good idea to look within and see if you might have unintentionally put your bridesmaid off. Are you being realistic about time commitments and costs? Have you clearly communicated your expectations throughout the planning process? This isn’t to say that you’re the cause of the issue. But, perhaps, something you said via email (for instance) didn’t come off as you’d hoped or got lost in translation.
2Play to her strengths.
Maybe your sister has never been the girly type so planning a high tea for your bridal shower just isn’t her strong suit, which is why she’s been usually silent on the bridesmaid email chain. Ask her if there is anything she’d like to help you with—maybe she’s great at logistics and can assist you with your wedding timeline or is super athletic and will take you hiking to keep that inevitable planning stress at bay. There are other ways she can support you.
3Enlist your MOH for help.
If the above tricks just aren’t working for you, ask your maid of honor to step in. She can act as a neutral party to ask your bridesmaid what the deal is and how she might be able to help remedy the situation. Your maid may not even realize she’s been distant, negative, or what have you, so hearing from someone she doesn’t know as well that she’s coming off that way could be a wake-up call.
4Have a heart-to-heart.
As hard as it might be to confront your bridesmaid, that may be the best option. Use “I” statements to explain how you feel without placing blame. Try to be as understanding as possible—your friend or family member might be dealing with a work or personal situation that she hasn’t wanted to burden you with.c
5Let her go, gently, if needed.
In some cases, your bridesmaid may still be unsupportive—or even bring your pre-wedding experience down—even after you’ve talked with her and asked your MOH to talk with her. If you think you’re at the point of not wanting to include her in your bridal party, give her an out. Explain your position and kindly say that you’d understand if being your bridesmaid is just not something she’s able to commit to.
Read more bridesmaid tips: The Basics of Being a Bridesmaid The Ultimate Bridesmaid Budget Guide The Best Bridesmaid Moments from “Friends”
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