Ideas

21 Things You Should Know About Your Partner (Basic & Important List)

by Emrys J Hutton 25 Oct 2021 •19 min read

Whether you’re a brand new couple or you’ve been together for years, you probably don’t know everything about each other just yet. The beauty of relationships is that you’ll be able to keep exploring and discovering new things about your partner every day for the rest of your lives. But if you have a long-term relationship in mind for the future with your current partner, there are some questions to ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner right now.

It might feel like a bit much to start thinking so far ahead, but these questions are going to relevant at some point whether you’re ready for it or not. There are certain things that truly define us as people and. For the purpose of this article, we’ll be referring to your hypothetical partner as “your boyfriend,” however regardless of your partner’s gender or the stage you are at in your relationship, these are facts worth knowing.

When it comes to questions to ask your boyfriend, it’s important to keep in mind that depending on the stage of a relationship you’re in these questions may shift and change. For example, you probably don’t need to discuss how many children you want to have on the first date. (Just throwing that out there.) We’ve formatted this list to follow the typical flow of a relationship from the early getting to know you phases to the final big steps—i.e. stepping down the aisle or not.

1. What their hopes for this relationship are

This is potentially the most important question to ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, or any potential long-term partner. Not every relationship is going to end in marriage, and that’s totally fine. What’s not fine is going in with certain expectations and three months later having your heart broken because you never discussed what you want.

Some questions to ask are, “Are you interested in a long-term relationship?” “Is this something you see as more casual or serious?” or “Do you have any restrictions or boundaries you want to set up while we’re together?”

2. What their favorite hobbies are

When you’re starting to get to know someone, this topic is pretty easy breezy to get through. Learning your partner’s hobbies are a great way to get a feel for how compatible you are, hopefully, you’ll share at least a couple that you can do together!

Of course, you shouldn’t restrict yourself, no one needs to share everything with their partner...would you even want that? However, it would be nice to have at least one thing that you could both share. Either way, it’s good to know about just in terms of planning to spend time with someone and starting to get to know them.

3. What they do to relax

Whether you’re at the start of a new relationship or getting ready to take that next step, one thing to keep in mind is your partner’s favorite way to relax. Maybe they’re into bubble baths or need a weekend away with friends every now and then. Knowing this will help you support them during a stressful time! Plus you may have the chance to plan a mutual spa night along the way depending on your interests.

4. What their love language is

We get it, it’s cheesy! But honestly, nothing ever holds up like a love language at the end of the day. Seriously, we recommend taking this quiz just to get a read on what your love language is so you can discuss this with your partner. Your love language basically represents how you prefer to be shown love and appreciation by your partner. The five love languages are words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch.

Your partner and you don’t necessarily need to have the same love language (though it would make life a little easier, not going to lie). However, so long as you are open to discussing your love language as you get to know your partner, you’ll be able to feel secure in knowing that they’re able to give you what you need and be able to reciprocate their love language back to them, as well.

5. What their eating and drinking preferences are

It’s always good to know what you and your partner both like so you can best work together to find common ground or compromise if you don’t quite agree. This isn’t a make or break step in your relationship, but it is an important step to making your partner feel valued. Being able to pick some they like up without having to ask or knowing how they like their coffee (or tea!) in the morning are the perfect little ways to show that you care.

Plus getting to know this early on is going to make picking Friday night takeout way easier in the future.

6. What their allergies or medical needs are

This step is a tiny bit more important than just knowing what they prefer to eat! In terms of allergies, for safety reasons, it’s important to know what they can or cannot safely eat. Additionally, if your partner has any medical issues or chronic illnesses that affect their day-to-day lives or availability at times it’s important that you know so you can help and support them as needed. Like any loved one with specific needs or abilities, you want to be prepared to be there for them, always.

7. What their relationship with their family and friends is like

One day, you’re going to end up being introduced to your boyfriend’s friends or family so it’s important to go in prepared. It’s best to ask your boyfriend questions about these relationships before you dive in headfirst. Who is their go-to confidant? Are they close with their family or is there some strain there? What’s the name of their favorite uncle?

You never know what people have gone through and especially with family, it’s critical that you know when and where you need to be sensitive. In the long term, this is going to affect your holidays and big events as a couple and will help you get a feel for how your partner best connects with other people, so it’s some pretty important info to know!

8. What their biggest personal or professional goals are

Whether or not ambition is high on your list for ideal traits, it’s important to at least know what sort of plans your partner might have. If their long-term goal is to move to Hawaii and live off of a sustainable farm and that doesn’t sound like something you’d be interested in one day, it’s best to set some realistic expectations moving forward.

Questions to ask could include, “Are you working towards anything right now?” “If you could have any career given your experiences what would that be?” or “What would it take for you to really feel like you’re made it in life?”

9. What their most important life events are

This is important in any relationship, even at the beginning. When you’re first getting to know your partner, it’s important to outline what events or dates are important to them so you can respond accordingly. Maybe they don’t like making a big deal out of their birthday, but they are obsessed with Halloween. Knowing this will help set you up for success when it comes to your partner's wants and needs.

You don’t need to align on all of these preferences (maybe you’re more of a Christmas person!), but it’s important to accommodate your partner’s preferences. A good partner will do the same for you! Who knows, maybe you can have two favorite holidays now?

10. What their political beliefs are

Like it or note, politics are an important part of everyone’s lives, so make sure you’re both aligned on any core issues. This can vary from couple to couple depending on how involved you are in the political landscape, but you should know the scope of your preferences and be opening to asking questions to your boyfriend about their beliefs and alignments as well.

Again, you don’t need to want all of the same things or like all of the same politicians, but when it comes to more critical human rights issues getting in alignment early on in your relationship is an important benchmark to pass.

11. What their personal or spiritual beliefs are

The importance of religion or a belief system varies greatly from person to person and though you don’t necessarily need to align on these beliefs with your partner, you should consider and discuss what means a lot to you or them. It might just strike up a meaningful conversation that will bring you both together more deeply!

Would you marry someone outside of your religion? Would you want to raise children under a certain belief system? Would you prefer to not have anything to do with any religion? Ask yourself these questions first, and once you’re ready bring this up with your partner to see where they stand. Depending on the nature of your relationship, the answer you get may make a huge difference to you.

12. What they’ve learned from past relationships

Relationship history isn’t something everyone loves to talk about, but trust us talking this out early will save you time and trouble down the line. Many people find themselves making the same relationship mistakes time and again, so we encourage you to talk things out early and set up some structures to make sure that’s not going to happen with this relationship. Like any new partnership, some compromises must be made, but we want good compromises that will help lead to a healthy relationship you both want.

13. What type of sex do they like

Whether this is going to be a fun question for you to ask or a scary one, you should talk about it. Unless you’re saving yourself for marriage, chances are sex is going to come up more than one time in your relationship. And if you are adamant about saving yourself for marriage, make sure that you bring that up for discussion as well. The right partner for you will be comfortable with what you want and need.

Back to the sex questions to ask, there’s nothing wrong with having a healthy, active sex life. But you should make sure that you and your partner are on the same page in terms of your boundaries to assure that you’re both making each other comfortable.

We tend to think of sex as a taboo in our society, but when it comes to talking things out with your new favorite boyfriend there’s nothing wrong with talking out a little s-e-x. Whether it’s your favorite position, any kinks (no shame here!), or your personal favorite erogenous zones, lay it all out one thing at a time and see how your boyfriend reacts. Who knows, maybe this conversation will lead to a fun romp along the way!

14. What they most need from a partner

In terms of questions to ask your boyfriend, this process isn’t just so you can get to know them! It’s also so you can start to know the things they most need from you, too. Whether they want a partner who gives them a lot of space or someone who will want to see them every other day, that’s the kind of information you should find out. It’s one thing to feel confidant in what your partner can do for you, it’s a-whole-nother thing to feel confidant that you’re also giving them everything they need as well. Don’t be afraid to ask what you can do for them!

15. What their emotional processing style is

Part of being a good partner is understanding how you can best support your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner, too. If you have ever felt like you needed a certain type of support, because of how you process your emotions than this point will be especially important for you.

Questions to ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner might include, “How do you typically respond to bad news?” “How do you most like to be comforted when you’re upset?” or “What do you most need from me when you’re struggling with your emotions?”

16. What their greatest weakness is

This may seem like the most job application-y question ever, but nonetheless, it is an important thing to bring up in a relationship. It may not be the best form to just pop a bunch of questions about someone’s weaknesses at any old time, but in some way or another, you should discuss how your partner views their weaknesses because it will affect your relationship.

Questions to ask may include, “Do you find yourself struggling with one particular issue with yourself and is there a way for me to support you with that?” or “Would you be open to discussing our weaknesses so we can help each other through them together?”

17. What their daily and weekly routines look like

Early on in a relationship, this isn’t such a huge issue but if living together is on the horizon then understanding your partner’s day-to-day habits and preferences is really important. Particularly before it’s time to move in together, consider how your preferred routines will mesh together. If you’re a morning person and they’re a night owl, will you be able to a sustainable life together? Of course, yes, but if you start learning these things early on you’ll be able to work on systems and processes that will make that work in your relationship.

18. What their spending and budgeting practices are

This isn’t super high on the list of questions to ask your boyfriend early on, however, it is crucial to talk about when you start considering to take a next step—whether that’s moving in together, getting engaged, or even walking down the aisle. Finances are a big part of life, so never ever talking about them isn’t really an option. Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.

Some questions to ask your boyfriend about his finances are, “Do you have any debt?” “How do you budget your income?” or “Do you have any financial goals in mind that might impact our life together?”

19. What their financial history (debt, credit, etc.) is

Not to harp on the budgeting issue, but it is a big one! If you want to get married, money is going to come up time and time again. For a lot of people, it can be awkward to ask about money, but if that’s an issue with someone you’re considering spending a life with then maybe you have a few more hurdles to get over before walking down the aisle to happily ever after.

Questions to ask might include, “Do you have a favorite way to budget?” “What’s your history with money and finances?” or “Does your financial situation warrant discussion if we’re moving further along in our relationship?”

20. What their feelings on marriage are

At a certain point in a relationship, marriage is bound to come up. Now, we could be a little biased, but we’re team weddings all the way! That said, it may not be for everyone and it certainly isn’t going to be on the table in every single relationship you get into.

Many, many people these days are delaying marriage and family planning for a time when they’re more settled or if they’re sure they’ve found “the one.” The thing is, whether or not you’re certain if you’ve found “the one” this time, it’s important to discuss marriage at a certain point to be sure that you’re not investing too much into someone who might not ever be on the same page as you are. Know what you’re getting yourself into and plan accordingly. This may sound harsh, but if this one thing is going to get in the way of your relationship at some point, it’s best to get this out of the way early.

21. What they picture for their future family

The definition of family has changed over the years, so you don’t need to specifically phrase this question around kids but that certainly is a factor. Maybe family for you looks like a long-term living situation with the love of your life—no marriage or children necessary. Maybe the ideal family for you is more of a single but permanently coupled kind of thing (houseplants can be family too?). Or maybe you want the typical nuclear family-like situation with 2.5 kids, a picket fence, and a big ol’ ring on your finger.

It’s all equally valid, but it’s important to know what type of lifestyle you would like to have in your future. It takes two to tango, so be sure that you’re starting this dance-off with a partner who sees eye to eye with your ideal grand finale.

So what qualities should a good boyfriend have?

If you’re still asking yourself this question, don’t worry you’re not alone! It’s hard to tell in general what qualities a good boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner should have because it’s really up to you and your personal preferences. That said, we’ve devised this list to help you start some important conversations and figure out whether or not this partner is the right partner for forever. Finding “the one” is no small task, but we’re doing our part to help you out along the way.

Whether you agree or disagree with your partner on any of these subjects, it’s still important to know their personal preferences, their goals for the future, and their current lifestyle or habits. None of these issues are necessarily make or break, but you should know what you’re signing up for and be prepared for them to feel the same way about you. A communicative couple is a happy couple!

Now that you’ve read over this list, we need to assign you a little homework. It’s time to look into yourself to see where you lie on these same questions. Which of these issues are the most important to you personally? Maybe some of them actually are make or break for you personally—and that’s okay!—but no matter what you need to consider where you can compromise and where you can’t. Do you both need to have the same favorite color, favorite ice cream flavor, and favorite holiday? No. But do you both need to have somewhat similar overall goals and life plans? Well, it couldn’t hurt.

Communication is a key part of every relationship so asking certain questions along the way will help build a solid foundation and keep your relationship just as solid all along the way.

Remember, there’s always room to get to know each other even better, so you might as well get started now! Keep your relationship healthy, communicative, and ever-growing by asking things and forever staying dedicated to getting to know your partner.