How Watching Shows Like The Bachelor Together Can Actually Improve Your Relationship

Confession: I’m a hard-core fan of The Bachelor. My other confession: my partner actually likes watching it with me (although you will never get him to admit to that). I’m not sure what it is—the drama, the guessing game of trying to work out which one they have more chemistry with, or the idea of finding love.

However, there can be a negative side to watching shows like this. After watching how madly in love and “perfect” the final union looks between the Bachelor/Bachelorette and their one true love, many at home are left wondering why their relationships don’t look as romantic and perfect as the ones onscreen. After all, why don’t date nights with your own partner look like what they do on The Bachelor? 

It’s not just The Bachelor franchise, as it seems that we now have a multitude of dating and relationship shows that have the possibility of making us compare our own relationships to something that is produced, manufactured, and not always entirely real. Even though people know that they are watching a TV show, what many fail to have in the front of their minds is the intent of these shows. Is it really to help people find true love? Or is it to entertain us and make a TV show that can also generate money and success for those involved? 

I don’t doubt that many relationship and dating shows do hope that some contestants can find love, but their goal first and foremost is to make an entertaining, money-making series. There is nothing wrong with that—it is a business after all—but we also need to be more aware of these priorities when watching these formats and comparing our relationships to the characters and situations on screen. 

Think of it like a social media profile on a TV screen. Comparing our own lives to false projections of reality is not healthy. But in a way, reality TV is more confusing than social media simply due to the use of the word “reality.” These formats might not have set scripts and paid actors, but they are also not 100% real either. 

Despite all of this, it doesn’t mean that watching these shows can’t be beneficial for your relationship. One of the things that I often find confusing with commonly given relationship advice is when people say to you, “You need to work at things in a relationship and communicate” (I’ve even probably given this advice myself many times before). I don’t feel like these two bits of advice are a secret, but when given with no additional information, they might not have a strong effect. 

How do you actually communicate effectively and how do you really work at things? Just launching into conversation after conversation about your relationship and the things you need to address about it can feel sometimes awkward and can potentially be met with hesitation, especially when these conversations feel so out of the blue. Enter, reality TV. Specifically, reality TV shows about relationships. 

In general, one of the best ways to discuss your relationship without it seeming like an interrogation is to use relationship reality shows as a catalyst. Often when you are facing your partner, staring at them directly in the eye, discussing all your relationship woes, the conversation is not what many would call relaxing. This stressful environment can lead to a lack of authenticity. However, if you are sitting side by side on the couch, watching TV, discussing what’s going on on the screen, you can easily further that discussion into either how you feel or how something might or might not be present in your own life. This conversation can feel more natural and organic. 

There also might be less hesitation from your partner because the conversation is starting off about people on a TV show and isn’t immediately a spotlight onto your own relationship. Did the characters on screen have a big argument in one episode where you can discuss your own conflict resolution skills? Did they do something romantic and fun where you can remind each other of the things you used to do together and ask to maybe do them again? It doesn’t have to be too deep and meaningful, but using what’s going on on these TV shows as a catalyst to start some conversations about your relationship can really help. 

Some might think reality TV can rot your brain. And it’s true that not all shows are terribly thought-provoking or complex. But at the end of the day, we don’t always want our brain to overthink when watching TV and turning to these types of shows to tune out. With most things in life, we can examine what’s wrong and where something might have a negative impact or harm us. But we also need to look at what does and can work. 

I might be a fan of certain relationship reality shows, but as a professional, I also believe that we can use many of these formats to help strengthen our relationships too. With reality TV, like with any communication method, there can be a downside, but it can also be a great tool to work on your relationship by naturally and organically communicating, thanks to what’s being shown on the screen.